How to Help Someone with Depression: A Simple Guide

Recently, I reconnected with a friend who’s struggling with depression. Seeing her in such a vulnerable state was both eye-opening and frustrating. I wanted to help but felt lost about what to do. So, I went down a research rabbit hole, reading everything I could find from reputable sources like Harvard, Stanford, Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, and Johns Hopkins. I put together this guide to share what I learned.

If, like me, you want to support a loved one who’s dealing with depression, this simple guide backed by neuroscience can help. With this resource, you’ll feel more prepared to help someone struggling with depression. Good luck, and remember: your support could be a lifeline.

1. What is Depression?

Depression isn’t just “feeling sad”, it’s a medical condition that affects how the brain works and can make daily life feel overwhelming. Mayo Clinic explains that depression affects mood, thoughts, and physical health. People with depression aren’t “just being negative.” Their brain chemistry and functions, responsible for mood and thinking, change significantly, making recovery from depression feel almost impossible without help.

This imbalance in the brain, as Harvard Medical School points out, can result from genetics, trauma, chronic stress, or even health problems. Understanding that depression symptoms stem from these complex causes helps us approach loved ones with empathy and patience.

2. Recognize the Signs of Depression

Knowing the signs of depression can help you recognize when someone might be struggling. Johns Hopkins and Cleveland Clinic highlight some common symptoms:

• Feelings of sadness or hopelessness
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
• Low energy and fatigue
• Changes in sleep (sleeping too much or too little)
• Changes in appetite (eating more or less)
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions

These symptoms may vary depending on the types of depression someone is experiencing, like major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder. Recognizing these signs can be the first step in offering support.

3. Avoid Quick Fixes or “Just Be Positive” Advice

It’s natural to want to help, but depression isn’t something you can “fix” with quick solutions or positive thinking alone. Statements like, “Just think positively,” might make the person feel even more misunderstood.

According to Harvard, validating their feelings is more supportive. Instead of saying, “It’ll be okay,” try saying, “I’m here for you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.” Offering your presence without judgment can make a real difference.

4. The Power of Listening

Listening actively is one of the best ways to help someone with depression. Stanford researchers show that simply listening can make someone feel less alone. Here’s how you can be a supportive listener:

• Be Present: Set aside distractions and give them your full attention.
• Ask Open Questions: Simple questions like, “Do you want to talk about what’s been on your mind?”
• Avoid Problem-Solving: Instead of giving solutions, say, “That sounds tough,” which shows understanding.

Even if they don’t open up right away, knowing you’re there makes a difference.

5. Small Actions Can Go a Long Way

Simple, thoughtful actions can help someone who’s struggling. According to Mayo Clinic, offering to help with small tasks can relieve pressure without being intrusive:

• Bring a meal or a favorite drink
• Help with errands or chores if they seem overwhelmed
• Suggest a gentle walk together; light activity can sometimes ease symptoms

These gestures show care without adding pressure, allowing them to feel supported in a manageable way.

6. Encourage Professional Help, Gently

Suggesting professional help can be challenging but essential. Johns Hopkins recommends a gentle approach, like:

• Expressing Concern: “I care about you, and a therapist or doctor might be able to help.”
• Offering Assistance: Help them find a therapist or make an appointment.
• Explaining the Benefits: Mention that treatments like talk therapy and medications have helped many people.

If someone’s depression includes severe symptoms, like attempting suicide or harmful thoughts, urge them to get immediate care. There are many treatment options available, from therapy to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for severe cases. Letting them know that treatment for depression can genuinely help may encourage them to take that step.

7. Consider a Support Group

A support group can help people with depression feel connected to others who understand. Cleveland Clinic suggests support groups as a place for sharing, listening, and feeling understood without judgment. Support groups can be in person or online, offering flexibility for comfort and convenience.

8. Self-Care for the Supporter

Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally challenging. Taking care of yourself will help you provide lasting support. Stanford suggests:

• Setting Boundaries: Taking breaks to recharge is essential.
• Seeking Support: Talking with friends, family, or a counselor can help.
• Learning About Depression: Staying informed on mental health conditions like depression equips you with empathy and patience.

9. Be Patient: Healing Takes Time

Recovery from depression is not a quick fix. As Harvard emphasizes, healing is a journey with ups and downs. Your role as a friend or family member can make a meaningful impact, but don’t expect overnight changes.

Showing up in small ways over time can be life-changing for someone struggling with depression. Sometimes, your steady presence alone is enough to help them through.

Conclusion: The Gift of Support

Helping someone dealing with depression isn’t always easy, but your support can bring light to their life. By understanding what depression is and how to offer meaningful help, you’re giving a gift that science shows truly makes a difference. You don’t need all the answers; just being there counts. Remember, sometimes a listening ear or small action can mean the world to someone fighting depression.

With Love,
Daniela Suarez
Co-Founder & CEO, icalm Health 

For all my Zen Ninjas: Stay grounded, stay calm.