Break Up with Cortisol: 10 Ways to Soothe Your Nervous System While Moving On

In the movie Big Fish, “they say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true." Now, when you realize that someone you once thought could be your forever person, your happily after, your Sunday morning, your Valentine, your emergency contact—that they are not for you, it can feel like the sky is falling and like the world is crashing down in front of you. 

The whirlwind of emotions that accompanies relationships, romantic attachments, plutonic friendships, situation-ships and everything in between can make you feel like you’re on the top of the world, and on the other side of the spectrum can bring you to your knees leaving you a nervous wreck. While there’s no guarantees when it comes to relationships, you can focus on how you take care of yourself and how you respond to any outcome. I have crafted self-care routine specifically to soothe your nervous system during time of heartbreak and change. 

1. Go no contact: 

Do not give this person any more of your energy, affection, time. Easier said than done but what is responding to someone you know has showed you their true colors going to accomplish? Do you go up to the snake that bite you to ask it why it bite you? No—you take yourself out of the situation and heal yourself and acknowledge snakes bite but there’s no need to understand why. 

2. Avoid trauma dumping: 

I am guilty of this one myself. You think that venting it out of your system will dissolve your pain and in reality it actually increases your need to hear that you were right and seek validation you could be giving yourself instead of asking others. Journal before you run to your best friend with yet again another annoying story of a dusty man not living up to your expectations. Don’t spoil your beautiful garden with the toxicity of one weed that didn’t grow the way you wanted it. 

3. Cut out the coffee: 

As a Gilmore Girls fan for life, the line “coffee, coffee, coffee,” is an hyperbole of the instant effect coffee has on our nervous system. Studies have shown that coffee “increases the circulation of adrenaline and cortisol in the body.” Adrenaline, if you don’t know is one of the key hormones that helps you fight of flight from a situation that could be bad for your health— for example, you jump out of a plane, your body gives you a large hit of adrenaline as a response. Now I don’t know about you, but when you’re already very aware of your surroundings as most empaths are, you do not need more fight or flight hormones pulsing through your veins. 

Continuously elevated cortisol levels are linked with chronic stress. Stress is the new smoking—stress kills. So before you jump to your double-espresso in the morning, opt for a matcha latte or tea instead. Still gives you the caffeine perk but a lot of matcha lattes contain L-Theanine. L-Theanine is known for increasing levels of dopamine, serotonin, gaba, which in combination increase relaxation and decrease stress. Not only that but L-Theanine has been known to “antioxidant benefits, in terms of reducing inflammatory markers, may have anti-cancer properties, and appears to reduce inflammation specifically in the gut.”

4. Stop scrolling and start spinning: 

Scrolling aimlessly on social media is not going to change the outcome, or help you move on. If you’re going to cry, you might as well cry from a ab sculpting, leg shredding workout. Now this isn’t about cult fitness or anything of the sorts—this is about taking control of the controllables and doing something good for your health, your mind, and your future. Take all of the pent up frustration and emotion and put it into a spin class, laps at the pool, a warrior yoga sculpt class. 

 Working out is known to release endorphins, dopamine—giving you an instant shot of sunshine. Hitting that hot yoga class can give you an outlet to release your emotions, let go of stress. Improve your brain function, sleep quality, and reframe the synapses in your brain by finally committing to that fitness regimen you’ve always promised you would. Also a great place to make new friends. 

5. Eat your heart out: 

Feeling heart heavy or heart broken—eat something. The worst thing you can do is deprive yourself of what your body and mind needs. The fastest way to put your bullet train nervous system back on the tracks. Reach for the chocolate, eating chocolate induces the release of the following feel good hormones, dopamine, serotonin, Oxytocin. Specifically, “Chocolate contains a compound called phenylethylamine (PEA) that triggers the release of endorphins. Chocolate with at least 85% cacao releases more endorphins.” Not only that, chocolate reduces risk to cancer, improves blood flow, reduces stress. Eat regularly and look for foods that are high in magnesium (nature’s muscle relaxant), complex carbohydrates—known to calm nervous system, foods rich in zinc, low-sugar foods. Eating frequently “balances blood sugar levels, which can help reduce stress and calm the nervous system.” One of my love languages is cooking for others—so get out your wooden spoon, channel your inner Italian grandma, and fill your home with the aroma of roasted tomatoes. 

6. Soak up all the sunshine: 

Open those blinds, stop hiding from the world and let the sun kiss those cheeks. When you get sunshine, “triggers the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that regulates mood, appetite, and sleep. Serotonin is often called the "feel-good" hormone, and balanced levels are associated with lower feelings of anxiety and improved mood stability.” Getting a dose of sunshine in the morning enhances your ability to fall asleep naturally, 16 hours after getting sunshine your body will naturally, release melatonin as a byproduct of getting outside first thing in the morning. You look good sunkissed. 

7. Bubble bath it: 

Make yourself a hot bath with epsom salts and lavender essential oil and a half cup of baking soda. Combine these ingredients with a cup of tea, your favorite silk pjs, and playlist of light jazz music, “draws out toxins, lowers stress-related hormones, and balances your pH levels.” This is the exact time to shower yourself in self-care. Has a problem ever gotten worse after conditioning your hair, smelling like you work at a flower shop, and having baby soft luscious legs? I think not—

8. Do the To Do List: 

Have a bunch of errands, adult items that need your attention but you’ve put them all on the corner of your desk—where procrastination lurks? I promise you, you will feel so much better once you go through that big pile of mail, long email list, and that board of mundane tasks. What’s on mine and has been on mine for weeks? Laundry, clean car, groceries, oil change, find new chair… 

 Once I actually gave the list a little bit of my afternoon—my outlook was completely renewed. No longer will I see that annoying procrastination corner in my office. This is something related to mental dumping—do the list to clear it off your mind. Real estate in your mind is valuable. And perhaps it’s the over-achiever in me that suddenly feels better after crossing things off of your list. Take this one with a grain of salt but an organized space is a relaxing space. So tidy up, light a candle, wash your sheets, rearrange your furniture, give your mind a redesign at the same time you redesign your apartment. Make a Pinterest board and remodel your office. 

9. Give yourself a project that you can pour your heart into—just don’t make him your project, honey. 

Make anything else your project but him. Join a running club, start your masters, build a business, pick up painting just because. Lose yourself in a book but never lose yourself in him. Master your craft, help your loved ones. But do not make him your project or your goal of getting back together your project. Make yourself your best project yet. 

10. Build a new routine: 

Fastest way to change your perspective is change your environment. If you usually stay up extremely late, try to go to sleep earlier. If you usually spend every Friday night at the same bar, then change it up.Try a new gym, try a new recipe, hangout with new friends, go on a trip, try a new rooftop bar. Break old habits and create a new routine that focuses on who you want to be. If you’re used to watching tv every Sunday, go to the park, get some flowers, get a workout in.

I’ll be the first to admit, the strategies I have outlined above will most likely not be a cure-all to completely alleviate the pain of heartbreak; only time can completely heal the wounds of a broken heart. You have to treat your heart like any other body part. If you hurt your ankle, you might treat your symptoms while it heals; you might ice it, take an anti-inflammatory to reduce swelling and pain, you might wrap it tightly to stabilize it. Take care of your heart and your nervous system the same way you would take care of an injured ankle, treat your symptoms with known solutions, and be patient with yourself while you recover. 

With much love, 

Sending you sunshine

Always, Kayla